President Obama is set to explain to the American people why we should bomb Syria. A few possible soundbites that might help...
"Because they attacked us in the Gulf of Tonkin."
"Because they have oil, don't they? I mean, they're in the Middle East, they must have it somewhere."
"Because you're either with us, of you're against us. Oh, some other guy already took that one?"
"Because America hasn't bombed anything in, like, a year or two, and the defense lobbyists really want to get their Christmas bonus."
"Because Assad killed 1,000 of his own people with chemical weapons. Sure, he killed 99,000 people before that and we didn't seem to care, but..."
"Because we want to send a message to Syria. And the message is, 'Looks like an interesting quagmire, can we join in?'"
"Because Iran is the real threat to the United States, but attacking them is a whole lot scarier."
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