12 Things People Do

See also: Things 12 People Do (disambiguation)


#1. Write list-based blog posts.

#2. Use their autonomic nervous system to control heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, salivation, perspiration, pupillary dilation, breathing, and swallowing. People so do that all the time.

#3. Dance like no one is watching only when no one is actually watching. Otherwise, dance really self consciously (except if alcohol or club drugs have been ingested).

#4. Make decisions that benefit them in the short term at the expense of long-term happiness.

#5. Photosynthesize (Editor's Update: Will be moved to future blog post "12 Things Plants Do." Thanks for catching this error, IBrakeForPlants82.)

#6. Walk upright. Again, except when alcohol is involved.


#7. Dig up millenia worth of carbon. Burn it. And not notice any negative effects. "This planet was like this when we got here. Really. We didn't break it."

#8. Kill for sport. People, they're the worst.

#9. Use opposable thumbs to hitchhike.

#10. Care for their young. Except this jerk.

#11. Manipulate objects with a fairly fine precision. And manipulate people into buying junk they don't need with TV commercials.

#12. Exercise morality. Treat other people how they seek to be treated.