How to Clean Your Own Jewelry at Home

Step #1: Get into a good school, perhaps Ivy League. Engage in a lot of extracurricular activities. Earn a solid GPA. Partake in quality internships and volunteer activities.

Step #2: Land a solid job. Work hard, work smart.

Step #3: Buy some jewelry.

Step #4: Avoid layoffs. Catch a few breaks. Outperform on the big boss's pet project. Play golf with the right people. Land the McKinsley account.

Step #5: Buy a home.

Step #6: Get hand-picked for the new division. Double sales in the first 18 months.

Step #7: Buy an autoclave.

Step #8: Put jewelry into autoclave.

Step #9: Turn the autoclave on.